A Difficult Time in My Life…
Well, that would have to be the day my doctor told me I had cancer.
I was going to save this story for when I shared by biopsy story but I guess now is just a good a time as any.
So it all started when I was going to this one Doctor and he said that I had high enzymes. (Actually the nurse called me to tell me that after reading the results from a recent blood test.) I said, “What does that mean?” She says, “The doctor says he’ll talk to you about it at your next appointment. Don’t worry, you’re not going to die!” I thought that was kind of weird and odd so anyway I changed from that doctor to our family doctor where all my kids have gone since they were born and it was way more feasible because it was literally down the street from our house.
So I told him what the other doc had said, his face bore a worried look as he wanted fresh blood test ordered. When the results came back his nurse calls and says, “Yes, the enzymes are very high and he thinks you may have a gallbladder issue. Can you come in the hospital for an ultrasound.” No prob. I did that. It turned out that I had a few masses on my liver. One that was about 5′ another was 3′ or something like that.
So long story short, and a few CAT scans and MRI’s later he calls me into his office to give me some results. He says flat out, “You have cancer.” and then grimaced a bit. I just knew I didn’t hear him right. Tears just began to stream down my face and I began to cry like a newborn baby. He continued to ask about my family history and if anyone in my family ever had cancer. I cry more because both my maternal and paternal grandmothers did. My father’s mom died when she was 50 and my Mom’s mom died when she was 67 from colon cancer.
The doctor makes that face again as he stares at his computer screen. “We just don’t know what type of cancer it is though.” I was like… okay? dumbfounded you know? “It could be liver cancer or skin cancer… we just can’t be sure right now. I’m going to refer you to a liver specialist.” He checks over my whole entire body and question every mole I had and then said, that’s not it.
I get out to my car and sit there for a few and then call my mother because my husband was working. Usually my hubby always goes to the doctor with me but I was going so often with all the ultrasounds and scans I figured no big deal… I’ll just let everyone know what the doc said. Anywho… As I tell my mom, I hear her voice crack (my mother is not an emotional lady nor have I ever seen my mother cry or a tear drop from her eye!) She ask if I can drive home. Mind you my house wasn’t too far. But I sat there and thought about it and I couldn’t. I could barely move! I call my husband and he was there to pick me up in no time.
Of course I balled my eyes out that whole day and more days to come. My husband says, “I don’t care what the doctor says, you don’t have cancer.” I cry harder because to me he just didn’t understand! I was probably going to die! Why me? I kept asking God. It’s so many bad people in the world and I try to do good my whole life! Why me and not one of them?
I went to see the liver specialist and he wanted me to do another scans for him and drink stuff so they could see in my veins or something. I didn’t want to go through all this again. Why couldn’t he just look at the other results? Anyway… after the specialist got his results back he couldn’t tell what kind of cancer either unless he I did a liver biopsy.
I didn’t want to do that! I didn’t want to do anything else! I was tired and worn out! I just surrendered to God and was going to accept my fate whatever that may be. I called my Pastor (which is a family member) told him all about it. He prayed for me and told me not to tell anyone. So outside my family I didn’t. I called my husband’s father because he’s a Deacon and Minister and Elder of the church… because the Bible said to call the Elder to come pray for you. He did. Everyone was praying for me including all my children. My husband or kids never once said that I had cancer… they wouldn’t claim it. I went online and printed out every healing scripture I could fine and taped it to every wall in my house! ( You know every room has 4 walls well some have smaller parts that extend out… could be a closet or whatever I put one on that wall too!) Everytime I past it I’d say that scripture and tell my family to do the same thing.
I cry myself to sleep and when I wake up, I’m in the room alone and a bright white light is shining through my window. So bright that it’s blinding! I tried to look at it longer but I just felt peace as if God had healed me. I drift back off to sleep and dreamed. I dreamed that I was in a dark hospital room more like one for surgery. My first doctor was there in an all white lab coat and he laughs a bit and says, “You don’t have cancer. You just don’t have a lick of iron in your body.” (I am also severely anemic) So when I wake up, I tell everyone that I didn’t need to get the biopsy because God already healed me!
So my family agreed with me and we continued on with our lives until of course I had to go to the doc and he’d bug me about getting the liver biopsy. He bugged me for a whole year that I finally went ahead and did it. But at first I struggled with it because I didn’t know if I didn’t want to do it because I was scared to death or I felt that if I did the biopsy that meant I was telling God that I didn’t have faith in Him.
I went ahead and did the biopsy (1 year later). I wasn’t anxious or anything to get the results back because I already knew and BELIEVED that God had healed me! The results came back… I DID NOT HAVE CANCER!!! What he said I did have was…
Focal nodular hyperplasia (FNH) is a benign tumor of the liver (hepatic tumor), which is the second most prevalent tumor of the liver (the first is hepatic hemangioma). It is usually asymptomatic, rarely grows or bleeds, and has no malignant potential.
Then he said, “Just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” In my mind I was like, “If you people would have left me alone to begin with! UGH!!!”
That was all a few years ago. My oldest daughter asked me the other day if I thought that I really had cancer and God healed me or if I think maybe I never had it to begin with.
Great question! In either scenario I know what I felt like when the doctor said those words to me. And what I know more now than ever is that MY GOD is a HEALER!!! Rather I had cancer and he took it away OR the devil kept trying and MY GOD BLOCKED it! That’s why they could never completely come up with, “What kind of cancer. I know it’s cancer… I just don’t know what kind.” WHAT kind of crap is that!? LOL
Anyway I’m Blessed and Highly Favored and this is why!
This is already super long so I’m going to make my biopsy story another blog post. After I write it I will link it here. If you read down this far may God Bless your heart and Heal you or a loved one if that is what you are seeking! AMEN!